Author: The Ninja

The Ninja is a working mother of two. You can read about her journey as an aspiring housewife at www.NinjaHousewife.com or at her website about kinda being professional and stuff at www.LailaZain.com

When 3-Yr Old Nerds Get Nightmares…

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Sulaiman’s favorite toy is his wooden ABC puzzle. It’s 3am and Sulaiman is standing at my bedside crying…

Sulaiman: Mamaaaaaa…

Me: Sulaiman..?

Sulaiman: Mamaaaaaaaaaaaa…

Me: What happened? You wanna shishi..?

Sulaiman: Mamaaaaaaa…

Me: Sulaiman… What is it?

Sulaiman: Mamaaaaa… Ayub touch my ABCs…

Me: Whut..?

Sulaiman: AYUB TOUCH MY ABCs!!!

Me: Ohhhh… Come here (pull him into bed with me) sleep.

Sulaiman: My ABCs!!

Me: Ayub is sleeping. He didn’t touch… It’s just a nightmare. Go to sleep.

Sulaiman: Mamaaaaa… Tell Ayub DON’T TOUCH MY ABCs!

Me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

 

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I Married A Hotdog And Gave Birth To Two Suns

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Sulaiman: Mama is the mummy, Ayah is the father. What is Sulaiman?

Me: The son.

Sulaiman: What?! Sulaiman is the sun?!

Me: Yes. Sulaiman is Mama’s son.

Sulaiman: And Ayub?

Me: Ayub is Mama’s son too.

Sulaiman: What about Ayah?

Me: Ayah is the h–

Sulaiman: Ayah is a hotdog.

Me: Hahahahaha… No… Ayah is my husband.

Sulaiman: Husband?! I don’t like husband. I like hotdog.

Me: I like hotdog too.

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Sulaiman Can Read!

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Sulaiman has a computer brain. He’s incredibly intellectual for such a tiny little fellow.

I had no idea he could already read.

I bought Peter and Jane books from Kinokuniya for Ayub to practice reading. He wasn’t interested. Sulaiman picked up a book and started reading out loud.

Homaigawd.

All credit goes to his amazing kindy teachers and his natural nerdiness.

 

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NSFW: When Kids Get X-Rated Unintentionally

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We drive up to our condo and they are fogging the area.

Me: Woah look! They’re fogging… to kill all the mosquitoes.

Ayub: Wow. They’re focking the mostikoes?

Me: Noooooo… Fogging. Fog-ging.

Ayub: Focking Mama? They’re focking?

Mr Ninja: Fog-GING. Ge. GING. FoGGGG-ging.

Ayub: Foc-king. Foc-king. FOCKKKKK-king. What’s that?

Me: They’re killing the mosquitoes. It’s called fogggggging.

Mr Ninja: Fogging, Ayub. Fog. Ging.

Ayub: I don’t know.

Me: Say fog…

Ayub: FOCK!

Me: Nevermind.

 

 

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Boys Are Smelly And They Ruin Everything

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It’s bedtime. Sulaiman is in the bathroom, I’m tucking Ayub in bed. 

Me: I love you soooooo much Ayub. You know that Mama loves you?

Ayub: Yeah, I know. I love Mama too.

Me: I love my Ayub. You’re so kind… and smart… and funny… and creative…

(Sulaiman walks in)

Sulaiman: What about Sulaiman?

Ayub: Go away. Mama talking to Ayub.

Sulaiman: What about Sulaiman, Mama?

Ayub: Sulaiman is smelly.

Sulaiman: No! Sulaiman not smelly!

Ayub: Sulaiman is smelly. Sulaiman shishi in the bed.

Sulaiman: Yeah! I shishi in the bed like psshhhhhhhhhhhhh! Sulaiman is smelly and naughty and cute. MU-HA-HA-HA-HA!

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